Life is not at all what I expected.
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Nearly every person I talk to had a different expectation for his/her life that what actually became of it. Maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe my life was too good while growing up. Or maybe not. I know plenty of people who had expectations of life during childhood and all those were shattered before even becoming teenagers.
I have a feeling that everyone has a schema for 'life' and that it doesn't ever turn out that way. I expected to be a stay-at-home with two kids by now. Instead I'm 29, divorced, engaged, and scared about what another marriage holds. Marriage didn't turn out the way I expected it to. I'm pretty sure marriage never turns out the way we expect it to. I'm pretty sure life never turns out the way we expect it to.
When I was 23 I separated from my first husband. Things were bad. I was young. I was devastated. I really believed I would be married to him until the day I died. I couldn't believe what had become of our relationship. My boss-at-the-time was going through a separation with her husband. They had been married for more than 20 years at that point. She shared some advice with me that I will never forget...
She said she had a vision about a home. She had ordered rugs to fit the rooms inside. She waited and waited for her rugs. When the rugs finally arrived they were the wrong size. They were not at all what she had ordered, but they were what she had. And even though they weren't what she had expected or planned, she used them. And her house became beautiful in a way she hadn't imagined. She said to me, "Even though it's not what you planned or expected, it can still be beautiful."
That story and that comment have stuck with me ever since. Life is not what we expect it to be. I grieve the loss of my expectations on a regular basis. At some point I believe I will be done with my grieving. But for now, I must grieve the loss of my expectations...and know that my life can still be amazingly beautiful even though it's not what I expected.
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12 years ago
My plan for life is to live it with you and help you get to that point where you no longer need to grieve those things but look back on them thankfully for the lessons we've learned. I love you baby, and I'm thankful that you are the plan :).
ReplyDeleteMUAH!
Hey Staci.
ReplyDeleteI think your boss gave you some definite words of wisdom! It is true that there can and is still beauty even though it looks different than we imagined. Loss in our lives takes many different forms but as Cyndi said earlier God does bring beauty from the ashes. I had just posted the words from a song as my status the other day on facebook. Out of these ashes Beauty will rise And we will dance among the ruins We will see it with our own eyes Out of this darkness New light will shine And we"ll know the joy that"s coming in the morning ...from "Beauty Will Rise"
I know the Lord will give you peace and strength as you travel the road ahead as I know He has to this point. I'm anxious to see what He has in store for you...because I know that this time hasn't been in vain. God has big plans to use you!
Love,
Mindy (Cluxton) Hart