Record Review! Chris Cornell's Scream

Now for something a little less serious! My fabulous boyfriend suggested that I occasionally include a post that isn't so 'deep' or 'thorough'. So from time to time I will be critiquing new records. I haven't quite perfected my system yet, so for now we'll just use 5 stars, but be looking for something more appropriate in the future. Today I will be reviewing Chris Cornell's 'Scream'.

Artist: Chris Cornell (most widely known as the lead singer of Soundgarden & Audioslave)
Record: Scream
iTunes price: $9.99
Songs: 15

First, this records is a great value. You get 15 tracks for the price of $9.99! The average record has 10 tracks, so you're already getting 1 1/2 times what you would normally get. Woo hoo!

Besides the great value, this is just a FABULOUS record!

I have always been in awe of Chris Cornell's voice. He has amazing control and an amazing vocal tone. His voice is incredibly smooth, even after so many years of recording and performing on the road.

Beyond the display of Chris's rare talent, you will find some of the most creative songs I've heard in years. Fabulous melodies, intertwined with creative production...overall it's basically an orgasm for your ears. Most of you know me, and know that I have spent a good deal of time involved in music production. And the production on this record is incredible! There are intriguing sounds, complementing counter-melodies, along with strong primary melodies. Put this all together and you have an amazing record.

The production team was also rather creative in their methods for putting this record together. One song virtually melts into another. It's beautiful really.

I had to listen to this record a couple of times before I fell madly in love with it. For me that's actually pretty quick. Since that time (about 3 weeks ago) I haven't taken the record out of my car CD player. I LOVE IT!

I know I don't have the same music taste as everyone out there, so just because I like it doesn't necessarily mean it's for you. It's definitely not a hard rock record. It's more of what I would call a 'groovin' record. Amazing to listen to, but if you were at a concert there would be no head banging...more like head nodding. This record would also be great for just chillin with your friends, having a good drink, good conversation, and GREAT background music.

Staci's Approval Rating: 4 1/2 stars

Abandonment Issues...

I started a new book this week (Dangerous Wonder by Michael Yaconelli). I won't call it the most well-written book, but it has definitely served to spark some new thoughts in me. The thought from this morning was regarding abandonment. More specificallly, how we are to live in complete abandon to Christ. Jesus calls us to abandon our lives so that we may live life to the fullest. I don't know about you, but I definitely want the fullest life I can possible have.

People often say that they're following Jesus entirely, or that they've 'taken up their cross to follow Jesus'. But I can't say that I've ever met someone who lived in complete abandon to Christ. It's incredibly dangerous...to give up our need for things that make us feel secure, for activities that make us feel special, for our need to plan and prepare for the future, for our need to keep ourselves emotionally safe. Michael Yaconelli believes Jesus is saying to us, "Abandon yourself to the One who will never abandon you." Wait! There's someone who won't abandon me? I don't believe that...

I had to stop reading for a few minutes to think if there was anyone in my life that hadn't abandoned me in some way. It didn't take long to cross nearly everyone I know off that list. There have been a couple of people in my life that haven't abandoned me, and to these people I am truly grateful. There are several new people in my life that still have the potential of not abandoning me. But other than that, I don't know anyone. It's a rare occurence to not be abandoned these days. No wonder I don't believe that Jesus won't abandon me!

See, my difficulty in living in abandon to Jesus isn't all the 'worldly' treasures. It's the fact that I have no idea how to be fully vulnerable with someone. Nearly every important person in my life has taught me that I can't fully trust them. So why would I fully trust God? Why would I risk the pain and agony of abandonment when I could just stay in my nice little space and not hurt?

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I went through this same debate last summer after my divorce. The divorce hurt like hell. And I never want to go through a pain like that again. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. So I came to the conclusion that I had two options. I could either stay in Staci's world and never hurt again (which also means I would give up experiencing life to the fullest) OR I could continue to risk my feelings and my heart in order to experience what I know the world has to offer through true, meaningful relationships.

I chose to risk. I still have a lot of work to do to be truly vulnerable, and it's definitely still scary. But so far I have been rewarded with a fabulous relationship with my new significant other and with deeper and more meaningful relationships with everyone else in my life. Who knew that risking could be so healing? Now if I could just apply that to my spiritual life...

Gifts and more...

I'm sorting through my issues with accepting gifts and have come to realize that my upbringing was a bit disjointed in this area. My parents give freely and willingly (as they are able) to the church or other organizations/people that they felt God was telling them to give. But when they give gifts otherwise, it's generally conditional giving. Basically this means that they usually expect something in return. Sometimes it's a gift, but more frequently it's to align your opinion with theirs. And sometimes my parents think they still control the gift even after it has been given.

Accepting gifts is another thing altogether. My parents rarely need or ask for help. I'm sure they did moreso in their younger days when we were nearly destitute. But everything I remember was that we didn't need help. In fact, we were often the helpers...of friends, of family, and of God. Other people needed help, but we didn't.

Add on top of that a dash of conditional love (based on good behavior), a smidgen of belief that humans could be perfect and sinless, and a sprinkle of 'righteous' self-effacement and you've got quite a complex.

As I've grown older I've realized the impact all this has had on my life. I first discover real grace while reading Messy Spirituality my Michael Yaconelli. (If you haven't read go read it right now!) The concept of grace, giving something to someone that they don't deserve and could never earn just because you love them, floored me. For a couple of years I've been trying to assimilate this into my belief system. It just doesn't equate with what has been ingrained in me.
I hate that this is true, because grace is the foundation of our relationship with God. And yet, I find it hard to accept. Why would someone, especially God, just give me something? And it's something amazing? And it's something I could never afford? And it's something I could never earn? It just doesn't make sense in my brain. No matter how hard I try, I can't grasp it. This is the mystery of the grace of God.

So as I've continued to struggle with this concept in the spiritual sense, I've also struggled with it personally. It's terribly difficult for me to ask for help or to receive gifts that are not required by custom. I find myself feeling many things in these situations...most of them are bad feelings. I feel like I 'should' have been able to handle things on my own. I feel like I 'shouldn't' need other people's help. I feel disempowered by gifts because I automatically associate some imaginary string that is attached to it. I feel like I don't deserve and wish that the giver would take it back so I didn't feel so undeserving.

I don't want to live this way. I wish I could just get over it. Or that people would just stop making me feel so bad for needing help or for accepting something I don't deserve.

But thank God I can't just make it go away. Thank God there are people that are full of grace and want to give without expecting in return. Thank God there loved ones that see that we need help even when we are unwilling or unable to ask. Because this is the crux of our relationship with God. We must be willing to ask for His help. We must be willing to receive His grace...without guilt and without pride.We must just take it and enjoy it.

Separate but Equal?

Some of you may not be very familiar with evangelical sub-cultural. Others of you are very familiar I'm sure. For those of you who are less familiar with the protestant/evangelical world, let me fill you in. Those of you that are familiar may want to skip the description below.

In the land of evangelicalism/protestantism there is an 'underground' society. Well, maybe it's not so underground. But if you aren't of that persuasion you would know nothing about it. It involves 'christian' novels, 'christian' music, 'christian' jewelry, even 'christian' mints. (I don't capitalize christian because I wholeheartedly believe that an industry of any kind should not be called 'Christian' as only people can be 'Christians' in my opinion.)

A protestant child, teenager, or adult can live a live completely separate from the rest of the functioning world. Growing up I vividly remember my mom reading only 'christian' novels. As a young teenager I began to read 'christian' novels for people my age. I listened only to 'christian' music for the last two years of high school. I had subscriptions to 'christian' magazines. There weren't any 'christian' movies at the time, so I didn't watch any movies (it was against our 'religion'). Of course the music wasn't as good and the magazine was pretty lame, but I survived okay. I lived a life similar to that of my peers, but it was completely and entirely separate.

What's even more interesting about this subculture is that it almost always imitates American culture as a whole, especially in the music industry. You will almost always find a 'christian' equivalent for any band or artist. These often don't appear until a certain sound has become a hit in the general culture, but the 'christian' knock-offs always show up eventually. For some reason, the protestant/evangelical movement has to have it's own culture, separate from the rest of the world.

So what's the problem?

Aren't we supposed to be 'in' the world but not 'of' the world? I heard that particular argument frequently from my own parents. And I'm not going to disagree with it. I am, however, going to disagree with the common interpretation of it. As Christians we are not supposed to be 'of' the world. We are not supposed to have the same priorities and goals as those of the world. We are to be God-focused. Being 'of' the world means simply that our value no longer lies in worldly possessions or priorities. Our meaning is found in God. As far as I know, the fact that I buy a particular record because it's an amazing record, but happens to not be created by all 'Christians' doesn't mean that I'm 'of' the world. The fact that I marvel at art that was created by someone that doesn't call him/herself a 'Christian' doesn't nullify the fact that it's a beautiful work of art. God can found and appreciated even where He's not explicitly intended to be.

And what about being so not 'of' the world that you're hardly in it? My life paralleled that of my peers in many ways. Even so, there was almost nothing we could really talk about. We could talk about our surroundings and events that happened while we were at school together, but other than that I simply couldn't relate. I had a couple of dear friends, Maggie and Andi. I'm not sure what we ever really talked about, other than regular chatter. Don't get me wrong, I love them both dearly. But I always knew I was the odd man out. I didn't live in their world. I didn't come from the same context. It was impossible for me to understand what they were really dealing with because I lived in a separate world. I wonder what it would have been like if I had been able to relate to them and understand what they were going through. But how on earth could I have shared the love and grace of God with them when I couldn't relate to them?


This separateness often creates an environment of judgement and self-righteousness. If one is surrounded by things that are all 'christian' he or she must be really in touch with God right? If someone is so holy that he or she 'can't' listen to that 'worldly' music or read that 'worldly filth' he must be a better Christian that someone who does right? I'm sure no one would admit to trying to send that message, but that is the message that is often sent. Sounds a bit Pharisaical doesn't it?

God didn't call us to separate. (And believe me, we're the ones doing all the separating.) God called us to love Him, serve Him, and love His people. And I think the world would be a much better place if we had Christians serving and glorifying God in all areas of life rather than just in 'christian' industries. Then maybe people who aren't Christians would be able to experience God in their everyday worlds too.

So you'll know where I'm coming from...

For those who do not know me, or for those who do not know me well, I thought it would be best to give you a little background on myself. My past definitely colors my opinions, so I want you to know where I'm coming from.

I am 28 years old. In the past year I have gotten divorced, moved twice (once to another region of the country), and gotten a new job.

I was raised in a strict, evangelical home. We weren't allowed to paint our nails, pierce our ears, wear 'loud' clothing, go to the movies, or dance. (Hence the name of my blog). I left for college at 18 and permanently moved out at 20. Since that point I have been doing my best to recover from the untruths that were ingrained in me as a young woman.

I got my undergraduate degree in Psychology from Trevecca Nazarene University in Nashville, TN. (We'll get into to details of how I ended up there later). I got my master's in Human Development Counseling at Vanderbilt University, also in Nashville. I lived in Nashville for the last 9 years, until my recent move.

Currently I am working in cancer research. I have always loved research and learning.


I am newly transplanted in the St. Louis area making new friends and exploring my new locale.


Hopefully this will serve as a good jumping off point for later posts...

My First Real Blog!

I am SO excited to be writing my first official blog. I've always had a lot of thoughts and opinions, and I believe this is a good way to share them. So be on the look out for posts that are thought provoking and life changing. Just keep in mind that my life was changed this week by a new hair dryer. Happy reading!